Complex World, Simple Mindset

Season of Singleness

We all have heard the saying, “Be patient. You’re in a season of waiting.” It’s always meant to be a helpful comment, but usually it comes from someone who’s already where you want to be. They’re no longer in their season of waiting. They’ve already graduated and have a great job. They’ve been married for 20 years and have a cute little family. They know who they are and they’re exactly where they’ve always wanted to be. They’re distanced from what it felt like when their present was just a dream that felt a million miles away. They don’t remember what it feels like to be down on their knees every single night praying for a change.

As a nineteen year old college girl, one thing I struggle with, and possibly my most daunting struggle right now, is what I like to call a “season of singleness”. I can’t speak from the perspective of guys my age. I imagine some of them feel this way, but what I do know is that there is an overwhelming amount of girls my age that struggle in their season of singleness as well. I know this because it invades the way we speak. It invades the way we think. It invades every bit of our daily life. Even when we’re not thinking about our season of singleness, its effects are present in the way we think.

Just last night, my roommate and I took some Buzzfeed quizzes for fun. We wanted to find out which 80s movie character was our soulmate (Marty McFly, in case you were curious). As we were taking these quizzes, we were faced with questions like: “What type of guy do you attract?” or “What type of compliments do you usually receive from guys?” Our answers to these questions were incredibly negative: “I only attract nonexistent guys” and “Guys never compliment me. Where’s the none of the above option?”

This example can tell you a lot about young women our age and our perspective on relationships. We feel pretty hopeless. We consider ourselves part of the #foreveralone club. We speak about ourselves like we’re not even worthy of love. We speak about relationships like we don’t even believe in love, and it breaks my heart to know that girls across the world, myself included, can feel so hopeless and worthless. So, as usual, I have a couple of things to say to this. Ladies, if you’re in your season of singleness, please listen up, you need to hear this. I need these words just as much as you do. Loved ones of these particular ladies, you should probably listen up too. You could learn a thing or two about how to help your daughter or sister or friend feel loved and worthy in the midst of her season of singleness. You can learn a bit about how to help her feel empowered by her singleness and how to not treat it as a season of waiting.

Yes, you read that right. A season of singleness shouldn’t be treated as a season of waiting. Treating singleness like you’re waiting for something perpetrates that idea that this is not an actual phase of life with its own joys and excitements and challenges and benefits. It treats a season of singleness as if it’s a bridge from one destination to the next. It fosters the idea that young girls should rush to find someone to settle down and marry, so they can hurry and cross the bridge, so that they no longer have to just wait.

If God has placed finding love on your heart, there isn’t anything wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, but it surely shouldn’t be your only focus. You should not consume yourself with thoughts of finding someone to love. You should not treat this phase of your life as a phase of lesser importance. A season of singleness is a season of growth. Now is the time for you to take a look at yourself and decide who you really are. Now is the time for you to create yourself and have experiences that will shape you. Now is the time for you to learn what you want and what you don’t want from life, from a relationship, and most importantly… yourself.

A season of singleness should feel empowering. Now more than ever, you are one hundred percent your own person. You make decisions for yourself. You can go where you please and do what you please. You’re only obligated to answer to God. You should be enjoying this freedom. Get in your car and visit a local farmer’s market or go thrifting for no good reason. Spend a couple of hours in between classes in Hobby Lobby or Target or TJ Maxx or wherever else you like to shop. Take your work to the local park and write that paper in the sunshine instead of hidden away in your room. Throw yourself into new experiences and find the ones you thrive on. A season of singleness isn’t about finding someone else. It’s about creating yourself.

Don’t compare yourself to others who may seem like they’re ahead of you. This life is not a race. Somethings may happen sooner for others than it does for you. Your worth is not determined by how quickly you get married, who you’re dating, or being a member of the imaginary “hey, look I have a boyfriend” club. So what if you used to dream you’d be married by 25? So what your best friend is engaged? This life is not a race. Things will happen for you when, and if, they are meant to.

You are worth so much, my dear. Any man would be lucky to hold your hand and call you his. Don’t forget that. Just because you don’t have someone by your side right now doesn’t mean that you never will. You are worthy of love. Love does exist. It is possible.

I can’t tell you what God’s plan for you looks like. I can’t promise you that you will get married. I can’t tell you that, yes, you’ll meet the love of your life and be married by 25 or 30 or whatever arbitrary number you want to throw out there. What I can do, though, is assure you that God has a plan for you, and it will be greater than anything you can imagine in your own mind. Trust Him. Lay your life in His mighty hands. Know that He made you in His image and you are so worth it. Know that He loves you. Know that, even if every other love fails, God’s love will never leave you. Know that no matter what life has in store for you, you are worthy of so much love. You are so beautiful. You are so, so beautiful.

So next time your mom says, “Be patient. You’re in a season of waiting, child.” Know that, as much as you love her, you don’t always have to agree. This is not your season of waiting because what the heck are you waiting for? This is your season to grow, to change, to prosper. This is your season to love with an open heart and an open mind, and maybe someday, if it’s in God’s plans for you, someone so wonderful will come along some day and match the love you give. You are not in a season of waiting. You are in a season of GREATNESS.

Love: The Biggest Four-Lettered Word

It’s weird that a word as enormous as love can be conveyed in only four letters. Then again, the English language is really strange. I played Scrabble with some friends tonight and realized that if you add the letter “c” to the front of the word “loser”, it becomes “closer”. Think about that for a second. It makes no sense. The unconventionality of the English language isn’t what I’m here to talk about today though, even if I could probably write a 20 page thesis on it.

Love is a big deal. It’s everywhere. It fills every crack and every crevice, but somehow all at once, it is rare. Love can be like rain in the rainforest, or like water in the desert. Love is so different for everyone. People show love so differently. People express love, talk about love, and interpret love in all kinds of different ways. Still, somehow, it’s one of the most recognizable feelings in the world. Some people are careful about giving out love. They guard their heart like a kingdom. Others love freely. They cast their love onto everything and everyone they meet. I fall into that last category.

Love is my favorite thing in the world. I love to be loved, but most of all… I love to love. I look at the sky and my heart is filled with love. I look at my pink stuffed bunny on my bed and I am filled with love. I have a conversation with my little brother, and I feel love. I hug my mom when I get home on the weekends, and I am filled to the brim with love. That’s what’s really cool about love. It can be found everywhere if you look hard enough.

I used to be one of those people who built walls up around my heart. I liked to keep it locked up, guarded and protected like a kingdom. Sometimes it feels easier that way. If you’re careful about who you let in, you don’t have to worry about having your heartbroken… or so I thought. Come to find out, heartbreaks are inevitable. They’re going to happen. You’re going to love someone or something so deeply, and it will be torn away from you. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, a pet, a precious item, it doesn’t matter. You will experience loss at some point. That’s what being human is all about.

However, you can either let those losses make you cold and bitter, or you can learn from them. I chose to learn from them. Learning causes growth, and where there is growth, there is love. The more I learned about life, the more I opened my heart up to the world. Each time my heart was broken by loss and by failure, I tore the wall around my heart down brick by brick. It wasn’t keeping me from being hurt. It was only keeping me from experiencing the world and from growing into the person I was meant to be. I’ve noticed that the more I allow myself to love freely, the more I grow and change, and the more that I grow and change, the more I become the person that I’ve always wanted to be.

Imagine you’re a plant. God is the sunshine because He directs your growth. The people who love you are the soil. They keep you anchored and grounded. They’re your home base. The love you give away is the water. It is what controls the rate at which you grow. You can’t grow if you’re cold and bitter. You can’t grow when there’s a wall built up around you restricting you. You were never meant to be confined. Your love was never meant to be kept in a cage. Walls are often built to keep things out, but often people forget to take in to account what’s being trapped inside.

Do you know how many times the word “love” is said in the Bible? Love is mention 310 times in the King James Version. That’s a lot of love. Christianity is founded on love. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” God loved us enough to send His son to die for us. That’s love to the extremes. God’s love never discriminates either. God loves every single person. He loves His Creation in a way humans will never be able to understand. He should serve as a model for us. We should not refrain from love. We should welcome it freely.

And if you’re holding back from love because you’re scared of getting hurt, I have bad news for you, my friend. You’re going to get hurt. It’s going to happen. This is real life. It’s not all sunshine and flowers and rainbows, as cool as that would be. God loves us all so much, and every time we disobey Him and stray from His path, His heart breaks, but does He stop loving us? Does He run and hide from love? No, He continues to welcome it with open arms. Let Him serve as your example.

Also, when the word “love” is brought up, people’s minds go to one, singular form of love. Yes, romantic love is a very important form of love, but it’s not the only kind of love. Love your significant other with your whole heart, but don’t let it end there. Love your parents. Love your siblings. Love you classmates. Love your roommate and your neighbors. Love the girl crying in the library bathroom. Love the little kid you pass on the street. Love the dog that lives next door. Love the trees that provide you with shade and love the sun that warms your face. Love the walls which stand strong to form your home. Love the sound of the music playing in your car on your drive home. Love the face you see when you look in the mirror, even before you’ve fixed your hair and done your makeup. Love every single thing that you can in every single way you can. Love can present itself in so many different ways and it can manifest in so many different forms. Your love does not have to look like my love.

Love will make your heart feel full. Love will make you feel happy. The more love you put into the world, the more you get back. Love is a positive emotion, and the more you fill yourself with it, the less space you have for the negative. Love kind of works like an antibiotic if you think about it. Love works to fight off negative emotions like anxiety, sadness, and anger. The higher the dose, the faster it works.

Love is the most beautiful thing you can feel. Love is the most beautiful act you can participate in because love isn’t passive. It’s a very active thing. You must acknowledge your love and show your love, however you may feel led to do that.

So, I have a challenge for you today. Grab a pen and paper. Write down 5-10 things you love. They can be people or places or things. They can be as significant or as insignificant as you want. Then beside each of them, write down why you love this person, place, or thing. Finally, I want you to take a minute and if there are any people on your list, I want you to give them a call, send them a text, or give them a hug if they’re beside you. If there are any pets on your list, give them a cuddle and tell them you love them. Let them know you love them.

Love is the best way to fight the evil of the world. You don’t need to be a superhero, you just need to love.

Also, here’s a link to a playlist I put together all about love! Feel free to listen and save it to your own Spotify library if you want! https://open.spotify.com/user/kpwcr2jjjvd856icr1z91fnn0/playlist/7ER1hQVrvNpzOHMK0rgfyM?si=9CKyv_ePQeW4OKEgju9aFA

Thy Will Be Done and Mine Undone

I read a quote this morning by Elisabeth Elliot that said, “To pray ‘Thy will be done’, I must be willing, if the answer requires it, that my will be undone.” That speaks volumes to me. How many times have I asked God to carry out His will through me and for me, but been unwilling to let go of the desires of my own humanly heart? How many times have I ignore signs that I was diverging from God’s plan for me, just because I didn’t want to let go of what I thought I had? How many times have I wanted something so bad that I refused to accept that it simply wasn’t meant for me? The answer to all of these questions, to put it simply, is a lot.

It’s easy to ask God to take control. The hard part comes when we must relinquish our control and let God take the reins. We like certainty. We like knowing what the outcomes will look like. Often that’s improbable and impossible. God doesn’t work like we do. His plans are much more intricate and much more marvelous than we could ever dream of. We know what He is capable of, but we’re still afraid to let go. Putting your future in the hands of anyone but yourself feels terrifying, but it is so, so necessary. God knows what’s best for you. You need only pray and have faith.

I wish I could tell you for sure that the job you applied for last week is a perfect fit for you. I wish I could tell you that the cute guy in your Philosophy lecture likes you, you’re both perfect for each other, and you’re going to get married one day. I wish I could tell you what your future looks like so you don’t worry any longer, but I can’t. I don’t know what God’s plan for you looks like. You might completely bomb that job interview. You might fail your next Chemistry exam. You might date that guy from Philosophy and find out he’s a total jerk. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, my friend. If I could protect you from every heartache, I would, but you would never learn. You would never grow. You would have never blossomed into the beautiful person that you are today.

But do know, that when these inevitable failures and heartbreaks come, they’re all a part of God’s plan for your life. God is the greatest author there is. There are no plot holes. There are no typos. Everything is planned perfectly. There are no mistakes. I promise that His version of your story will be better than anything you could ever dream of.

There’s a verse in Proverbs that speaks to me so much, that no other verse that can quite compare. It’s Proverbs 19:21 to be exact, and it reads, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” God’s plan is inevitable. No matter what you want, no matter how hard you work for it, if it’s not meant for you, God won’t let it happen, and it will hurt. It will break your heart and leave you breathless on the floor. Faith is the key to survival here. Always remind yourself that even in your toughest failures and your hardest heartbreaks that God has not abandoned you. He wrote this chapter of your life a long time ago. This was His plan all along. He’s leading you towards the greatest success of your life.

It’s hard to “let go and let God”. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to put your life in the hands of our Lord. Don’t undermine the hard work you’ve put into your faith. Everyday you keep trusting in God is another day you’ve won a battle. Faith is a process. No one’s faith is perfect and unfaltering every single day of their life. If it were that easy, we’d never learn, and we’d never grow.

But know this, my dear… you can always trust God. You can always know that He has your back. Pray and let Him know what is on your mind and on your heart. He won’t leave you hurting for long. He may answer your prayers exactly as you asked, and that’s great. It’s a lot more likely, however, that he’ll either say “no” or “not right now”. Both of these answers mean that we must then surrender our will and let God take control. You cannot ask God to perform miracles in your life and continue to act as dictator of your world.

My prayer for you is that God tells you “no” or “not right now” at least once in your lifetime. My prayer for you is that you learn how to fail. You learn how to keep your faith even through a heartbreak. My prayer for you is that you get knocked down, but only so you can learn how to get back up and keep going. I pray that you learn how to build you faith strong like a tower. I pray that you learn how to trust that God has a plan for you and that what is meant to be will be. I pray that you learn and grow from everything you go through in life. My prayer for you is that you learn how to pray not “Thy will be done”, but to pray “Thy will be done and mind undone” instead. I am still learning how every single day.

What We Can Learn From Bob Ross

If you ask anyone who knows me well who I admire most, they’ll tell you in a heartbeat… I admire Bob Ross. Yes, the former military sergeant turned painting extraordinaire and public television host best known for his show The Joy of Painting. You’d be surprised at how much random trivia I know about Bob Ross. Go ahead, test me.

If you’ve ever watched an episode of Bob Ross’s show, you know exactly why I look up to him so much. If you haven’t… well, let me just say, you’re missing out. I’ll go ahead and break it down for those few unfortunate souls out there who don’t smile at the words “Titanium White”.

Bob Ross didn’t make a penny from the airing of his show, The Joy of Painting. He simply wanted to bring smiles to the faces of others. All of the episodes have even been uploaded to YouTube so us Gen X kids can enjoy his beautiful paintings and his positive words of encouragement as well, all for free. When his paintings were sold, he donated the money to charities and other causes. Most of this money went back into PBS to further fund his shows and others like it that brought enjoyment to people across America daily. That’s selflessness at its finest. We could learn from that kind of unselfish act. Now, of course, not all of us are talented enough to paint on national television everyday and reinvest that money back into our communities. However, I think this is a good example of how we should strive to live our lives. Money isn’t everything. Of course, you need money to live, but sometimes, it’s better to do something in service of others than do whatever will get you the biggest paycheck. Sometimes it really pays off to skip on the milkshake at Chick-fil-A so you can buy the man outside who’s homeless a nice, hot meal. Selfishness is one of the purest evils in the world, and any time we can do a good deed for someone else, we’re combating that, even if all we have to offer is a compliment, a smile, or a hug. These can go a long way. Don’t underestimate their power.

Bob Ross was the king of positivity. Just after his wife died, he spoke on his show about how dark times make you enjoy the good times more. Specifically, he said, “If you have light on light, you have nothing. If you have dark on dark, you basically have nothing. Just like in life. You got to have a little sadness once in a while, so you know when the good times come. I’m waiting on the good times now.” Even in such a dark moment in his own life, he still found a way to maintain an overall positive outlook and to share that with his viewers. Another of his famous quotes is, “We don’t make mistakes, only happy accidents” and this one is my personal favorite. Of course, taken literally, this quote is about painting, but he intended the quote to serve another meaning. In life, we do a lot of things that we regret. Some people like to call them mistakes, I prefer to call them happy accidents because from every single situation, no matter how bad, something good can come from it. The bad experiences are how we learn. They shape us into who we are. So, next time you find yourself dwelling on what you should have done differently, think about how different of a person you would be now had you not had that experience to learn from.

Bob Ross also teaches us the importance of checking up on others. Bob Ross read every single letter that was sent to him. He often considered what his fans were saying when recording his shows (like the time he painted in black and white to prove to a colorblind fan that he, too, could paint beautiful pictures). Bob kept up with his regular writers. If he hadn’t heard from one in a while, he’d write them or give them a call to check up on them and see how they were doing. This is phenomenal. This man cared so much about others that he found it important to check up on the well-being of people he had never met, yet sometimes we struggle to check up on our closest friends when we know they’re not doing well. When is the last time you called your mom? Why don’t you check up on that friend you haven’t seen in a while, they might need a little extra support today.

Bob Ross’s legacy was obviously painting, but he’s probably almost equally well-known for his love of the world around him. Bob Ross rescued and adopted a baby squirrel in need and loved it dearly. He was also known to speak to trees and spend countless hours watching animals scurry and play in his backyard. This is incredibly important. We spend so much time caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, that we rarely take time to stop and appreciate the beauty around us. God gave us a really pretty world to live in and explore, yet we’re so busy with our crazy lives that we barely notice it. We all need to learn from Bob and take a moment to sit on our front porch and watch the squirrels hop from tree to tree. We all need to show love and appreciation to all of the animals and plants and other beautiful things around us. Now, I’m not saying you have to go around naming trees and talking to them. Some people find that a little “crazy”, although every time I’ve tried it, it’s been pretty fun. I’m just saying that you need to take a second and stop whatever it is you’re doing. Your next task can wait thirty seconds, trust me. Take that time to look up at the sky and see what shapes you can find in the clouds. Take that time to listen to the sound of the wind blowing past your ears and take note of what the warm sunlight feels like across you skin. Real life can wait sometimes. You need a moment to get out of your headspace, and the beautiful world around you is a great place to escape to.

Bob Ross spent the first half of his life as a sergeant in the military. His job literally called for him to yell and people and be as mean as possible sometimes. He vowed to himself that when he left the military, he would never again raise his voice at anyone. Instead, he spent the second half of his life painting beautiful scenes on television for the world to enjoy, spreading happiness through his art and his positive words of wisdom, and appreciating all of the wonderful things in the world around him. Bob Ross was a beautiful soul but guess what… you are too. You are so wonderful and so loved. When life gets a little hard, take a few moments for yourself. Watch a Bob Ross video, if you want! It always helps me. Always know that you’re loved by God. Nothing is too much for Him. He loves you.

Lately I’ve been actively trying to lead more of a Bob Ross-esque kind of life. The things that it has done for my mental health has been phenomenal. You should give it a try, and I’d love for you to send me a message and let me know how it works for you. To end this in a very Bob Ross style, happy painting and God bless.

Open Doors: What Do They Look Like and Where Do We Find Them?

The title of this piece is a question I’ve asked myself and asked God time and time again. I believe that every single thing we do has its purpose and that everything we go through is a blessing from God. Yes, even the “bad” experiences because that’s when the learning happens. So, because of my belief in a predetermined destiny from God, I believe that He opens doors and closes doors in our lives to help that plan unfold.

But how do we know when the doors have been opened or closed? Sometimes it feels like God works in secret and it feels impossible to know what he’s got going on behind the curtains. That’s the tricky part. Sometimes it feels like you’re chasing after something that God closed the door on ages ago. Sometimes you stumble upon an open door and question why you couldn’t have found it earlier. Life sure would have been easier if you had. So many of us pray for flashing lights and giant, neon signs with arrows pointing to the path we should take, and I really do wish it were that easy sometimes. But it’s not, and that’s the brutal reality of life.

I know that “God works in mysterious ways” is the most cliché of clichés and you’re probably sick of hearing it, especially when your knees are on the floor and you’re begging for answers, but it’s true. God really does work in mysterious ways. Sometimes He shuts doors for us, and when they slam in our face, we question ourselves. We may even question whether He has a plan at all. Rest assured, He does. It’s you that has no clue what you’re doing, but you can find comfort in that because none of the rest of us do either.

God knows what He’s doing. Sometimes he slams doors shut with the force of a thousand Roman armies and it hurts bad. Deep down in your heart somewhere if you look hard enough, you know that He only did it out of love. He’s preventing you from something that having will hurt you a million times more than losing will. Sometimes when these doors slam in our face, we’re meant to learn from it. We’re meant to learn how to have faith because having faith is a process. No one has perfect, unfaltering faith every single day of their life. Unfortunately, that’s just not our reality.

So, when doors shut. Trust the master plan. I know that’s a lot easier said than done. I’m in that position know. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that what I want isn’t always what’s meant to be. Whatever God has planned for me will be glorious in comparison to the plans in my own mind. Go take a look at Proverbs 19:21 if you still need a bit more encouragement. Your closed doors are not failures. You’re one step closer to your success.

Open doors tend to be trickier though. Most of the times when a door is closed, it can be pretty obvious. You may choose to ignore the signs and keep running after something you’ll never have, but regardless, the signs are there. It can be really difficult to discern when a door is open, however. Somethings just feel right, but something is still missing. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether the will of God or the will of your heart is sending you on a particular pursuit. There are no defined humanly answers to the questions of “What does an open door look like?” and “Where can I find these open doors?” But rest assured, God has answers to these questions. He knows exactly what He’s doing. He’s just that good.

So, when you’re contemplating whether the door you’re running towards is open or not, take a second to stop along the path. Maybe take a second or two to smell some flowers or admire a pretty tree or whatever it is that makes you happy, then sit down and have a conversation with God. I mean a real conversation. Sit down, tell Him what’s on your mind, ask Him questions, and wait for His answers, however they may come to you. That’s the important part. Wait for His answers. LISTEN. He won’t lead you astray. You can trust in that.

And if after this conversation, you still feel led to pursue the path you were on, run towards that door with all of your might. Pursue this future with all of your heart, and if you get there and the door slams in you face and you fall to the ground, trust in Him. It’s okay if you need to spend a minute or two on the ground to nurse your wounds but be sure that you pick yourself back up. God only shut that door out of love. He’s protecting you from something you don’t need. That’s pure love, and sometimes love hurts.

The most important thing is that you don’t run after doors for the sake of it. Sometimes we’re meant to be in a season of waiting. We’re not meant to be running marathons every single day of our lives. We’d die from exhaustion. So, when you’re in a season of waiting, don’t go chasing after things just to have something to do. Pray, then pray again, and the pray one more time. Ask God to lead you. Never, ever follow a path that you don’t feel lead to follow. If your heart’s not in it, I can guarantee that God’s will isn’t in it either. God speaks to us through our hearts. Wherever He wants you, He will spark a passion in your heart to pursue. Trust your heart, and when your heart fails you, trust that God will be ready to close doors not meant for you. All you have to do is ask Him for guidance. He will provide. He is just awesome like that.