Complex World, Simple Mindset

Finals Week Is Approaching: Some Updates

With finals week and the end of the semester quickly approaching, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have a HUGE paper due this week and finals to study for. I also just got a job (yay!) and will be moving into my first apartment at the beginning of next month (double yay!!). Life is a little wild for me, but I’m still writing when I can (and when my mental health allows it). Posts will probably come a bit less frequently and unpredictably over the next couple of weeks, but life should return to normal around May 13.

As always, let me know what you think of my blog, and if you have any topics you’re dying for me to write about, shoot me an email! There’s a space to do so under the “Contact” tab.

If you’re a fellow college student, I just want to say that I wish you strength, knowledge, and peace during these next few difficult weeks. May your heart stay pure and your mind stay relatively focused and clear. I love you and I know you’re going to do great on your term papers, finals, and presentations. Go out there and kick some butt, girl!

-Hailey xx

To the One Who Doesn’t Believe in Love

Failed relationships can be discouraging. Often, you feel like your time was wasted. Maybe you gave it your all, but your effort wasn’t reciprocated. Maybe it was really toxic. Maybe it just didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be. It doesn’t matter how or why it ended; it can still be discouraging.

We look around us as see our parents, or our friends’ parents, or people we know from school or church, and we see their failed marriages. When your parents argue, you become fearful for your future. Is that what my life will look like? Is all love doomed from the start? Does love even exist at all? It’s not an unreasonable question. After all, the divorce rate in the U.S. is a whopping 40 to 50% (https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/). Those are scary odds.

It’s easy to tell your self that love doesn’t exist, that way you don’t have to think about it anymore, right? Well, I hate to break it to you, but that won’t stop your racing mind. That won’t stop you from dreaming about what your wedding will be like. That won’t stop you from thinking about what it must be like to be married to your absolute best friend. And do you have any idea why you can’t stop those thoughts? It’s because it’s human nature to want to love and be loved. We’re literally wired that way. I could go into the biological basis of it, but I won’t bore you with all of that… the gist of it is that, if we didn’t have a desire for love, we wouldn’t reproduce, and as a species our goal is to survive and evolve. So, when you tell yourself that love doesn’t exist, you’re telling a big ‘ole fat lie and Charles Darwin is rolling in his grave.

Serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine are all working really hard together in your brain to make love happen. It’s like a bad school project because serotonin is doing most of the work, but you get the point. Your brain is literal evidence for the existence of love. You can’t argue science, or at least you probably shouldn’t argue with science. It kind of makes you sound like a dummy.

But, if you’re not into neuroscience then what do you care about a bunch of neurotransmitters? Well I have other proof for all of you non-psychology nerds out there. Do you know how many songs are written about love? 60% of the top 40 songs from 2002 to 2005 were about love (https://news.ufl.edu/). That’s a LOT. Love is the most written about topic in music, and other forms of art as well, by a long shot. All of these artists aren’t singing for no reason. Taylor Swift did not pour her heart out in “All Too Well” for you to not believe it. You don’t feel emotions that strongly if they don’t exist. It’s impossible.

People talk about love a lot. Listen to the conversations around you. Be mindful of the conversations you partake in. I went through my recent text messages from the past 24 hours. The word “love” was mentioned ten times. If you count snapchat messages, that number is closer to fifteen, and I’m not an avid texter or snapchat user. That’s a lot of love in one day. People talk about love a LOT. Why would people talk about something so much if it didn’t exist? Do people talk about unicorns that much? I definitely haven’t texted the word unicorn anywhere near ten times in the past 24 hours.

Think about your mom. Think about your little brother or little sister. Think about your favorite restaurant. Think about your favorite song. Think about puppies and kittens and the laughs of little babies. Think about flowers and warm, spring days. Think about the things you enjoy. Do you feel that? What do you call that if not love? How can you explain the way you feel when you watch your favorite movie if not love? How can you explain the way you feel when you hug your best friend if not love? How can you describe the way you feel when you get home after a long week and your mom makes you a nice homecooked meal if not love?

Love is everywhere. It’s all around you. Don’t let yourself believe for even a second that love doesn’t exist because you experienced a bad relationship. Don’t let yourself fall victim to false ideologies just because your parents, or whoever else, are divorced. Love is within you and love is around you. Let yourself feel it. Don’t shut yourself off from it. Don’t pretend that it isn’t there.

Love is everywhere, please believe that.

Constants and Variables: God’s Love Never Fails

Life is crazy sometimes. College students across the world currently feel like the world is about four seconds from crashing down on top of them. Maybe you have a million meetings to make it to this week. Maybe you have four papers and three exams this week. Maybe you’re really stressed about your relationship or a fight with your roommate. Maybe you’re broke and you’re trying to figure out how to support your caffeine addiction through the end of the semester.

Life is crazy sometimes. That’s just how things work. In the midst of that crazy, you can find peace. When everything feels like a variable in the algebraic equation life, know that there is a constant…God.

Nothing that you’re facing is too big or too small for Him. He handles problems of all kinds. So, whether you’re trying to finish up your thesis so you can graduate on time, or whether you’re crying because you have $2 in your bank account and you really want a Vanilla Bean Frappe, He hears you. He knows that you’re stressed, and He loves you more than you could ever know. He cares about your worries because He loves you. He cares about your problems because He loves you, and His love never, ever fails.

In your darkest moments, God is there. When it’s three in the morning and you’re on the verge of a breakdown, He is there. When you’re in History class and you studied all of the wrong chapters and you feel broken and defeated, He is there. When you’re laying in bed at midnight tired and exhausted, begging for a change, He is there. No matter how many times you fail, He never will. He loves you and He’s there for you. Trust that.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, let His love overwhelm you. Next time you feel like crying, let His love push you over the edge. Next time you feel tired and weary, lay your cares and His feet. He loves you, and He won’t leave you.

When things get really rough, have faith and have hope. Know that God will never put you through something that you can’t handle with a little help from Him. Where God guides, He will provide. Trust that, my dear. It’s such a difficult time of year, but God has not left you. He is still here.

Take a study break. Pick up your Bible and read a bit. Pray. Talk to Him and let Him know how you feel. Sometimes you just need to get things off of your chest, and God is the best confidant. Next time you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe and remember just how much He loves you and just how much He cares.

No matter what life throws your way, no matter what variables find themselves in the equation, God is your constant. Look to Him for strength to pursue whatever it is you must pursue. Look to Him for love. Look to Him for comfort. Look to Him for peace and for rest. He’s such a gracious, merciful Father. He loves you so much.

Tired, broken, beautiful child of the one true King, do not be discouraged. Today may be hard. Tomorrow may be harder. God is your rest and your refuge. Run to Him. Pray to Him. Pursue Him with your whole heart. You can make it through. You will make it through. You’re running a difficult race, and now is not the time to quit. You can do this. I know you can. God knows that you can.

Cold Blooded Murder: How Complaining Kills Your Happiness

Have you ever met somebody that’s such a Debby Downer that you dread having to be around them? They make it seem like everything that could go wrong for them does, in fact, go wrong. They spend a lot of time focusing on and talking about the negative aspects of their life and rarely do you hear them say something positive. People like this are hard to be around. They aren’t very fun to hang out with. They’re not very good for your mental health, and you probably try to avoid hanging out with them at all costs, right? It’s totally understandable.

Sometimes, however, you can be the biggest Debby Downer that you know. If you find yourself focusing more on the negative moments of your day than the positive, it’s time to make a change. If you feel like you have more bad days than good, you’re probably not starting each day with the right mindset. If at the end of the day, you dread doing it all over again tomorrow, this post is for you. Your mindset can kill your mood and complaining is the quickest way to send your mental health to its grave.

When you’re complaining about something in your life, you’re making the choice to focus on it. You may not realize it, but by complaining about it, you’re keeping it at the forefront of your mind. Every time you complain about how bad your day is going, you’re reinforcing the (false) idea that you’re having a bad day. It doesn’t have to be that way though. With the right mindset and attitude, you can go from feeling like everyday was just a jumbled mess of crazy, stressful events to feeling like life is an amazing collection of the beautiful and the crazy, and sometimes those words can by synonymous.

When you chose to focus on the negative things that have happened to you on a particular day, you’re guaranteeing that the rest of your day will be bad as well. You’re spending your precious, valuable time reinforcing negative thoughts in your mind. This is time that could be spent much, much better. This time could be spent being productive or enjoying the beautiful, crazy life that God has blessed you with.

When you chose to focus your energy on the negative, you’re preventing yourself from fully appreciating the positive. Instead of saying, “wow, this rain really sucks” think of all of the pretty flowers it’s sure to bring. Instead of chalking your day up as horrible because you spilled your coffee on the way to class, laugh because the campus squirrels are sure to get a bit of a caffeine high from it. There is a positive in every situation, if you look hard enough. Choose to focus on that instead.

I am a firm believer that whatever you put into the world will be reciprocated. If you’re constantly thinking and speaking negatively of life, life is going to be kind of crappy. If you think and speak positively about life, even in the face of adversity, things will get better for you. Your mindset is everything. If you have hope that things will get better, even if they’re pretty rough right now, then you’re giving yourself the power to be resilient. If you keep reminding yourself of how bad things are, you’ll begin to feel trapped. You’ll lose every ounce of hope you had, and you’ll feel like nothing will ever get better… which is a LIE, by the way.

A bad moment does not make a bad day. Sure, you were late to that really important meeting or you spilled ketchup on your white shirt at lunch and didn’t have to time go home and change. Those things may suck, but your day doesn’t have to be bad because of them. Move on, laugh about it if you can, and look on the bright side. You never know, the rest of your day could be the best day of your life. You could get the call that you got that job you really wanted or ace your History exam, even if your shirt is covered in ketchup.

When you focus on the negative in your life, you keep yourself from appreciating the beauty of the world around you. When you’re thinking negative thoughts, you feel so crappy that you don’t even notice the birds singing above you or the flower blooming beside you. When you’re wallowing in your own sorrows, you’re too busy to notice the cute puppy on the sidewalk or the adorable baby you pass in the store. When you focus on the bad things in life, you’re ignoring the great things. I can almost guarantee that, even if you’re really struggling right now, your life is filled with wonderful and beautiful things.

You shouldn’t ignore your feelings. If you’re sad, that’s okay. If you’re angry or upset or anxious, that’s okay. Sometimes we need to feel the emotions that we feel, think about them, and process them. We shouldn’t dwell on them though. Don’t relive difficult moments of your life simply for the sake of complaining. It makes you feel worse about your situation, and the people around you don’t enjoy it much either.

So next time you feel like complaining, whether it be to your friend in your Developmental Psychology class or whether it be to yourself inside your own head, DON’T DO IT. Instead, think about the situation you were about to complain about, and find a way to spin it on its head. Think about it for a second. Did something good come out of that moment? Did you learn something? Can you laugh at it? Is it really that significant? Is it important enough that you should speak on it now and risk feeling bad for the rest of the day because of your own negative mindset?

By learning to actively seek positivity in your daily life, you can benefit your own mental health and the mental health of those around you (you know, the ones that have to listen to you rant everyday). By actively seeking the positive, you can literally make your days better. It’s crazy how much you can enjoy life when you take the time to stop and think about how beautiful the world around you can be.

It’s never as bad as it feels like it is. There is always hope in every situation, no matter how colossal it may feel. If you cannot find hope within your own heart, you can find hope in God. Read His Word. Pray about the struggles you’re facing. Ask Him to help you see life in a more positive light. Things can, and will, get better.

You Are Worthy of Time and Space

Anxious feelings are tough to deal with. They can present themselves in numerous forms and can stem from a multitude of causes. One specific issue I personally deal with is the fear of taking up too much time and space. This causes me to rush from place to place, in fear of walking too slowly and being in someone’s way. This causes me to panic when paying for a drink at Starbucks, in fear that it will take me too long to swipe my card and this will make someone late for class. I reduce myself down so that I take up the smallest amount of physical space possible. I speed myself up so that my pace does not hinder the existence of others. But, in doing this, I am hindering my own existence, an existence that I am very much entitled to.

Every person on this Earth, just by being created, is granted certain indisputable rights. The right to existence is one of these rights. However, not only do you have a right to exist, but you have a right to exist in your full capacity and potential. Therefore, you should never feel as if you need to reduce yourself down or speed yourself up. You are entitled to that physical space and you are entitled to that time.

You are not in anyone’s way. There is no need to spend every moment of every day being hyperaware of the physical space that you may take up. You are allowed to take up as much space as you need, as long as you do so courteously to others. Do be mindful of others and the space they need to exist, but do not inhibit your own existence for their convenience. Do not cross your arms when standing in a crowded room. Do not duck in and out of spaces when walking through the cafeteria. Stand with your arms however you feel most comfortable. Walk with your head high and your shoulders back. You are entitled to this space, and if somehow, by a miscalculation of a step or some other mishap, should you infringe upon the space of someone else, excuse yourself and continue about your day. You did not inconvenience them as much as your mind would have you believe. They are not angry at you for bumping into them in the pizza line, unless they’re an angry sort of person, and those sorts of people aren’t the sorts of people whose opinions you should concern yourself with.

You are not taking up too much of someone’s time simply by going about your daily life. There is no need to calculate every action several minutes in advance of its execution. There is no need to double-check, triple-check, quadruple-check that you’ve correctly counted out the exact change you need for a transaction. There is no need to retrieve your student ID three minutes before you arrive at the gate, in fear that the time it will take you to retrieve it and swipe it will inconvenience those behind you. You are allowed to take up as much time as you need, as long as you are being courteous to others. Do be mindful of their time, and do not take up any more than you need but be sure to allow yourself to take as much as you need. Do not cheat yourself of even one second. You should not be trying to exist as such a rapid pace that you trip over your own feet and your heart feels as if it is going to burst right out of your chest. You have to remember to be kind and patient with yourself. You should always be mindful of the time others may need, but do not inconvenience yourself for the sake of making their life easier. And, should you inconvenience someone and cause them to be late because you took an extra few seconds to order at Subway, apologize, but do not dwell on the moment in your own mind. They are not angry with you, and you are not the sole reason they are late. If they believe this, then they are an angry, hypocritical sort of person, and you should not concern yourself with the opinions of people like them.

Sometimes life is hard, and anxious thoughts and feelings can make it even harder. You should not be tripping on your own feet because you cannot keep up with the pace you’ve set for yourself. You should not be living in constant fear within every social situation that somehow you will do something to cause everyone to hate you. You don’t have that much power.

Take your time. Take up space and be proud of the space you take up. Don’t reduce yourself down to nothing for the sake of others’ convenience. How can you change the world if you make yourself so small? How can you have an impact on those around you if you are petrified of taking up their time? How can you grow into your full potential if you are holding yourself back?

Take up space and time proudly. You are entitled to it. You deserve to live confidently and know that you have the right to a few extra seconds if and when you need it. You don’t have to be perfect. No one is, and no one expects you to be. Embrace your flaws and embrace the time and space that you require. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. The world is lucky to have you.

One Smile at a Time: How You Impact the World Around You

I don’t know if you’ve ever realized it, but you have a big impact on the world around you. You may feel small. You may feel unimportant. You may feel forgotten, but the world around you wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t here.

You don’t have to be making waves in society to have an effect on the world around you. Think back to a time when you were having a bad day and that random stranger in Starbucks or at Walmart or in the library smiled at you. How did that feel? It made you feel good. It made you feel better, didn’t it? You can do that for someone else.

Think about that day where everything was going wrong and you felt like you were seconds away from breaking. You were on the verge of tears and nearing a breakdown, when you met your friend unexpectedly on the sidewalk and they gave you a great, big, warm and wonderful hug. How did that feel? It probably felt like that embrace was enough to glue all of your broken pieces back together. You can be that for someone else.

Often, the people that have made an impact in our lives go unappreciated. We rarely tell them how grateful we are for that hug or that smile or those encouraging words. We may thank them, but that’s not enough. We don’t let them know just how much their action meant to us. We don’t let them know that they are important to us. We rarely even stop to think to ourselves just how much their actions meant to us.

I haven’t told my aunt just how helpful the random Bible verse she sends me on Snapchat have been or how they always seem to come when I need them the most. I haven’t told my brother how much I appreciate all the times he’s desperately tried to make me laugh in the middle of an emotional, cry-fest over a breakup or a family argument or failing a Chemistry test that I studied diligently for. I haven’t told my friend just how much his hugs mean to me on the rare occasion that we cross paths on campus. Somehow, even if it’s been months since we’ve talked, he always appears exactly when I need him most. None of these people know how much the little things they’ve done have added up in my life. None of these people probably realize the effect they’ve had on me.

Surely, there are people like this in your life who have gone unappreciated and un-thanked. I’m not trying to make you feel bad for this, although, if you feel compelled to call them up and tell them what they mean to you, that’s a great thing to do! I’m telling you this for another purpose, though. If there are numerous people in your life who are unaware of the difference they’ve made, just think about how many people’s lives you’ve made a difference in as well. You never know how much the person you pass on the escalator needs your smile. You never know how much your friend needs your hug. You never know how much your mom needs that “I love you, thanks for being so great” text message.

These things may feel insignificant. It’s so easy to smile at someone. It’s so easy to offer a helping hand to an overwhelmed friend. It’s so easy to give a hug or a few words of encouragement, but these things can make a world of difference. Just remember all of the times a single smile or some other small act of kindness has had the power to turn your day from bad to better. You can do that for someone else.

Matthew 5:16, one of my favorite verses, says, “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” This can be interpreted in a multitude of ways, like most verses. Of course, “good works” includes charitable donations, volunteer work, and other large acts of kindness, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Helping your roommate with her statistics homework is a good work. Hugging your friend to let them know that you love them is a good work. Any act of kindness and love is a good work, no matter how big or how small. Any act of kindness and love is an act that glorifies God. After all, the word “love” is mentioned in the Bible a whole 310 times!

You may not be a lawmaker changing the lives of millions. You may not be a teacher or a minister, leading people towards knowledge and towards Christ. You may feel like you’re not special because you’re just “you”, but I disagree, my dear. Because you are “you”, you have an incredible power to change the world around you. Even if it is one smile, one hug, one “I love you” at a time.

So be mindful of the people around you and what they might need. Offer up love, help, and kindness any chance you get. You never really know who might need it. We humans have gotten pretty skilled at hiding our emotions from the world. It’s hard to know who may be close to breaking, but it isn’t hard to make a difference. Smile at everyone you meet. Lend a helping hand to your friends. Offer to help your classmate with their project or assignment. Offer to do some extra chores for your mom. Listen to your brother talk for hours about whatever it is that he’s passionate about. Send your aunt some Bible verses in return.

You may feel small. You may feel insignificant. You may feel forgotten. I can guarantee you, though, that at least one life on this Earth is changed because of your existence. You are incredibly important, and you have a vital role to play in the lives of those who love you. You mean the world to someone, I’m sure of it. You have the power to change the world… one smile at a time.

Self-Care Isn’t Just About Bath Bombs and Candles

Self-care is so important. After a crazy day or a crazy week, it’s important to take some time for yourself. It’s important to find ways to relax and unwind because it helps keep your mind fresh and clear. Not all self-care looks the same, though. When we think self-care, we tend to think about long, relaxing bubble baths with candles. We tend to think about a rather luxurious form of self-care, and if you’re into bath bombs and vanilla scented candles, that’s totally cool! Take some time to enjoy it every once in a while. But, that’s not the only form of self-care, and it isn’t the only form of self-care you should be engaging in, either.

We’re always so busy. We spend our days working and being productive, and that’s really great! When we get home and we’re done with our work for the day, though, the last thing we want to do is engage in any form of productive self-care. At the end of the day, we just want to turn our minds off and watch that rerun of That 70s Show that we’ve seen eight times already. Sometimes, that’s exactly what we need. Sometimes we do need to turn our mind off and let it rest. But most of the time, that’s not what we need.

Productive self-care is all about finding the right balance between relaxation, passion, and productivity. A better way to spend your time would be to finally read that book you’ve been wanting to read for months. Instead of picking up the remote, pick up the canvas you’ve had in your closet for ages. Instead of using those fingers of yours to skip from channel to channel, use them to write that piece of poetry or prose that you’ve been thinking about lately. Instead of mindlessly watching reruns of old sitcoms or game shows, use your mind to explore a new topic that interests you. These activities will make you feel much more fulfilled. If you choose an activity that you’re passionate about and genuinely interested in, you’ll find that being productive doesn’t always feel like work. Your hobbies should be relaxing and fun. They shouldn’t stress you out.

Sometimes, self-care isn’t so sweet. Sometimes the kind of self-care you need is blatant honesty with yourself. The goal of self-care is to grow yourself into the best person you can be, so it’s necessary that you’re honest with yourself. Think about your flaws and all the things you wish you could be better at. If you feel like you’re not a good listener, acknowledge that. If you wish you were a better friend, be truthful with yourself about it. Sometimes we suppress our own emotions and feelings and it’s hard to tell what’s causing us to act and react in certain ways. If you take time to be honest with yourself, you can pick through all of your complicated emotions to find the root of your problems. You can also use the information you discover in these truth-telling sessions to work on yourself. Don’t just acknowledge that you’re a bad listener, come up with plans to change it! In the end, you’ll feel accomplished knowing that you took action to fix problems in your life instead of sitting idle and allowing them to continue to bother you underneath the surface.

Sometimes self-care is forcing yourself out of your room, even when you’d rather stay inside. Sometimes it’s putting on a pair of jeans instead of a pair of sweatpants and going out. Sometimes it’s deciding to work on your assignments later so you can go for a drive at sunset. Self-care is about doing whatever it is that you need to do to keep yourself mentally healthy. Self-care is about learning to be your own best friend. Take yourself dancing, even if it’s in your room alone. Take yourself to dinner and a movie, even if it’s takeout and Netflix. Take yourself on a long sunset drive with the windows down while listening to all of your favorite songs. Reorganize your priorities. Make yourself a priority. If your friend calls you upset about something, you wouldn’t tell her to brush it off and deal with it later because she has work to do. Don’t do that to yourself either. Treat yourself with kindness, but always be honest with yourself. Treat yourself like you’d treat your friends.

The most important thing about self-care is that you make it a priority. You have to work it into your schedule. If you have to, block off a few hours in your planner for designated self-care time. Work it into your schedule. Don’t just do it if you have time for it, make time for it. You can’t perform at your best if you don’t take the time to make sure you’re feeling your best. You can’t ace an exam on a tired brain. You can’t be there for your friends when they’re upset, if you’re too busy with your own sadness. Your mental health is important, and self-care can help. Self-care is a sort of reset button on your mind that you can push after a long day, a long week, or a long lifetime. Those few hours spent doing something relaxing and productive can make a world of difference.

Self-care isn’t always bath bombs and candles. Sometimes it’s not so pretty and it’s not so sweet. Sometimes it’s hard to make yourself do the things you want to do. It’s hard to find motivation when you’re tired, but you have to work through it. Your mind will thank you. You’ll feel so much better and so refreshed. You’ll be prepared to take on tomorrow. You’ll be prepared to take on next week and next month and next year. Keep a check on your mind and make sure you’re doing okay ever once in a while. It’s important to make sure you’re mentally healthy, even when you’re busy being such a boss.

Irrelevant Expectations: How to Know When the World is Asking for Too Much

This world has all kinds of things to say about you. You’re supposed to be this, or you’re supposed to be like that. You’re supposed to do this. You’re supposed to act like this. It’s kind of hard to navigate the world when society is placing so many pressures on your back. What makes matters even worse are how different the expectations can be based on your gender and age. What’s expected of a nineteen year old woman is not the same thing that’s expected of a fifty year old man, or even a fifty year old woman, for that matter.

So, how can a young female learn to navigate this crazy world when the media is telling you that you’re not thin enough, or you’re not busy enough, or you’re not perfect enough. There are all kinds of ideas about who we should be and what we should be like. These ideas are reinforced by the shows and movies we watch, the music we listen to, and the literature we consume. Because of this, the most important thing you’ve got to do is learn how to decipher what expectations are relevant and which aren’t.

When a magazine tells you that you should be skinnier and have a thigh gap, that’s an irrelevant expectation. When a movie tells you that you should only be focused on finding the love of your life, that’s also an irrelevant expectation. The only relevant expectations placed on you are the ones that are placed on you by God. If the expectation doesn’t glorify God, it’s irrelevant. If the expectation causes you to be vain, it’s irrelevant. If the expectation causes you to talk or think negatively towards yourself, it’s irrelevant.

Relevant expectations are about love and light. Loving your neighbors is a relevant expectation. Loving yourself is also a very relevant expectation that’s often pushed aside to make room for the ways of the world. Being kind is a relevant expectation. Honoring your parents is a relevant expectation. Studying the Word of God is a relevant expectation. Praying is a relevant expectation.

The best way to discern whether an expectation is relevant or not is to think to yourself, “Is this something God would want for me?” God would never want you to spend hours wishing your waist was smaller or your nose looked different. God would never want you to spend hours slaving over your work in the name of being so busy that you don’t make time for your own mental health. God would never want you to be so busy that you don’t have enough time for Him. God would never want you to speak or think negatively of yourself or anyone else. God wants you to spread love and positivity, even to yourself.

So next time you feel the need to say “yes” to every task asked of you because you feel that you’re expected to be busy and successful all of the time, say “no” instead. Take some time for yourself. Make some tea. Take a bubble bath. Watch your favorite movie for the fourteenth time.

Next time you look in the mirror and you want to change something about the way you look, remember that you are perfect. God made you in His image. Your worth is not determined by earthly expectations You worth is in your heart. Your worth is inherited from your almighty Father who loves you so, so much. Psalm 139:13-16 says it best…

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

So, when you’re faced with unreal and irrelevant expectations, look them dead in the eye and say “no”. Don’t let your mind be controlled by what this world wants from you. Know your purpose and know your worth, and if you ever lose sight of either, know that you can pray about it. God will lead your way. God won’t lead you to any false expectations. He will lead you exactly where you belong, doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing.

You don’t have to be perfect because our God is. You don’t have to be the prettiest girl in your class. You don’t have to be as skinny as the models on Vogue. You don’t have to be as busy as the CEO of that crazy huge company. You don’t have to be like them because you aren’t them. You are you, and that’s the best thing to be. You are an absolute dream, so start treating yourself that way. You are so beautiful and so smart and so successful. You have big dreams and an even bigger heart.

If you really want the best for yourself, you’ll take time to really get to know yourself. Strip away all of the irrelevant expectations and meet the person underneath. Who are you when you’re not trying to be everyone else? Who are you really? I bet she’s great. I bet she’s super cool and such a great friend. I bet that girl is so beautiful and so caring. She probably has a big heart and a lot of love to give. I’d like to be friends with that girl, I’m sure. You should also be friends with that girl. Be your own friend. You are the only constant in your life. Expectations will change. People will come and go. Physical beauty will fade. Your inner self is your own constant. Be your own best friend. Don’t place too many crazy, earthly expectations on yourself and be kind to yourself. You deserve it, sister!

I Hope You Dance: A Letter to My Younger Self

Life is so much bigger than you are. At times it won’t feel that way. Sometimes it will feel like everything is crashing down on you from above. Sometimes it will feel like the world is small and bleak and dark. You’ll feel like the world is ending. I promise it’s not, no matter how bad it is, and sometimes it will be bad. It will be so bad that you feel like it’ll never end, but it will, and you’ll be stronger because of it.

Life is so much bigger than you are, and at times you will feel that with your whole heart. You will know that the universe is wide open with opportunities. You know that, despite your shortcomings, the moon will set, the sun will rise, and you can try it all again. You will know that a world this big has a protector, a king, guiding it and watching over it. He won’t let you fall too far, trust that.

Life is so much bigger than you are, and it’s filled with so much wonder. There is wonder in the way the bumblebee flies. There is wonder in the way lights twinkle over a lake. There is wonder in the way the world keeps turning, even when it feels impossible. There is wonder in the way you get up, time after time, and dust yourself off. There is wonder in your strength. Never lose either of them.

Life is so much bigger than you are, and it’s overflowing with love. There’s love in the eyes of a baby. There’s love in the paw prints of a puppy. There’s love laced into every stitch of your favorite t-shirt. There’s love woven into every fiber of your heart and every ounce of you blood. Never regret love. Love is never wasted. Even when not reciprocated, your heart is better because it loved.

Life is so much bigger than you are, and it is so much bigger than your dreams. There isn’t a thing your wondrous mind can dream up that is too much for this world. Have you not seen its power? Have you not felt its magic? It’s all by design. He intended it to be this way.

Life is so much bigger than you are, and it’s filled with happy things. It’s overflowing with hope and laughter and smiles. This world is happy because there is sunshine. There are full moons. There are sleepy kittens and giggling babies. There are pink flowers and red flowers and yellow flowers. There is music in everything around you. There is beauty in everything around you. Open your eyes and make sure you take it in. Don’t take it for granted.

Life is so much bigger than you are and it’s made up of memories and moments. I hope that when you get the chance, you really do dance. I hope you never it out, watching life pass you by on the sidelines. I hope you take that chance. I hope you sing until your heart is content. Throw your arms out of the window and belt your heart out. I hope you learn from every moment and you laugh whenever you have the chance.

I hope you dance. I hope you remember how much you’re worth. I hope you hug your mom every single time you get the chance. I hope you kiss every baby you meet and pet every puppy you see. I hope you smell every flower you come across, and I hope you name every tree. I hope you take some time to yourself and never forget to relax. I hope you throw your head back and clutch your stomach when you laugh. I hope you talk about your feelings, your hopes, and dreams. I hope you make them into a reality. I hope you never feel held back by the ways of this world. I hope you never lose your curiosity. I hope you let your heart overflow with love and give it away every chance you get. I hope you learn from everything you go through, and I hope you grow through everything you go through. I hope you become the woman you’re meant to be, and I hope you know that you deserve every bit of love you feel. I hope you never forget that the stars can guide you home. It’s always there. Always.

But most of all, I hope you dance, just like the song that reminds you of your mom.

Dance, you lovely wonderful girl. Dance.

Cringe Culture: The 21st Century’s Biggest Lie

I came across the “Guilty Pleasures” playlist on Spotify and it really got me thinking. There’s not a single song on this list I would refrain from screaming the lyrics to in a public place. Maybe that’s just me. A couple of years ago, that might have been different. See, I used to worry a lot about what people think of me. I have anxiety, so that worry never really ends, but every day I wake up and make efforts to live my most carefree life. It’s been a pretty cool journey, so far. I see a lot more smiles and feel a lot more happiness than I used to.

This playlist got me thinking, though. Why should anything that’s a pleasure also be considered guilty? Why should you refrain from screaming the lyrics to “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit or “Sugar We’re Goin Down” by Fall Out Boy? Those are absolute classics. You should feel cultured and proud that you know every word to them.

As long as what you love isn’t harming anyone, you should never have to feel guilty for it. If you like weird, indie music that none of your friends have ever heard of, that’s super cool! If you like super generic pop music from Top 40 Radio, that’s also super cool! However you like to dress, whatever you like to watch, whatever you like to listen to, and whatever you like to do, you should own it! There’s only one you, and you are a culmination of the things that you do and the things that you love.

Sometimes it can be pretty hard to own up to liking the things that we like. In our internet age, the term “cringey” gets thrown around left and right. Originally, cringe was a response to something that made you feel uncomfortable. It’s totally okay to say that you’re dad’s jokes are cringey because I’m sure they are. What’s changed though, is “cringey” became “Cringe Culture”.

Cringe Culture is the idea that anyone who’s interests deviate from the norm, or what seems to be deemed as “cool”, must be an outcast. It’s not really a new idea, but it is a new word for existing stereotype and a whole, new subculture for kids to get thrown into.

Cringe Culture works like this: Someone tweets or posts that they don’t like something, a few people agree with them, they retweet the tweet or share the post, and more people agree and retweet. Eventually, the post has been shared enough times that it seems like the majority agrees. Usually, they don’t. Most of the time, the majority is pretty indifferent one way or another. That’s just how the world works (and statistics, for that matter… normal distributions and all that jazz). Interests aren’t a democracy. There are no laws saying that the majority decides what interests are worthy of a certain social status. Interests are subjective, always. Just because you enjoy something, doesn’t mean that everyone who doesn’t is wrong. Just because you don’t enjoy something, doesn’t mean that everyone who does is wrong either.

There are a lot of TV shows, movies, video games, musical artists, etc. that I don’t particularly like, but I don’t think you’re any less socially acceptable because you like them. There’s plenty of art that I enjoy and love with all of my heart, and I don’t think any less of you because you don’t enjoy them, as long as you respect my interests as well. That’s the key here. Mutual respect is so important. Not everyone is going to have the same opinion. The world would be pretty boring if we all thought the same, dressed the same, liked all of the same things, and did everything the same. We’re all unique, individual people with our own beliefs, opinions, and interests and that’s AWESOME. Open up your mind and listen to those you disagree with. You might learn a thing or two, discover your new favorite band, or simply learn how to better respect people with differing opinions.

To those of you who have ever been belittled or made fun of for your interests, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you were passionate about something and someone made you feel stupid for that. Don’t ever feel dumb for putting your heart into something. If you want to wear My Chemical Romance t-shirts to school every single day, go for it! I did back in ninth grade too. If you want to spend your weekends obsessing over that “nerdy” book series, go for it! I’d love to hear about your favorite character and why they’re your favorite. If you like to watch anime or sci-fi movies after school, go for it! There’s a lot of cool innovation happening in those genres right now!

Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for what it is that you like. Own it. Be proud of it. You can’t please the world. You can’t please the majority. It’s so important that you’re happy with how you chose to live your life because before you can make anyone else happy, you have to know how to make yourself happy. Don’t let your interests be your guilty pleasures. Find your people. The internet is a big, scary place sometimes, but it’s also the perfect place to find people who are interested in the same things as you. Then, you can talk about Harry Potter or how much you love Dallas Winston from The Outsiders to someone who gets it, instead of hiding your interests away from the world in fear of being outcast.

I will proudly own up to any of the nerdy stuff I like. I like music from every genre. I listen to the stuff that you make fun of your dad for listening too. I also listen to the same stuff that you listen to. I also probably listen to some weird stuff you’ve never even heard of, and I will sing it at the top of my lungs if my heart desires. I don’t care about being “cringey” because Cringe Culture is a lie. There is no imaginary council deciding what interest are cool and which ones aren’t. So, turn on that weird band that you love and dance your heart out. Turn on that weird sci-fi with the really bad sound effects and recite every word. Turn on the video game you love with the really bad graphics and play until your heart is content. Don’t let the cruelty of the world stop you from being the happiest version of yourself.

The happiest version of you is by far the coolest and most beautiful you that there is or could ever be.

So, if you want to call me cringey because I will scream the lyrics to every single Nickleback song under the sun, then go for it. This is “How You Remind Me” that Cringe Culture sucks. I won’t apologize for my bad puns either.